One day at a time.

Today seamed like a normal everyday thing.
Something everyone does.
I rolled out of bed, ate breakfast, brushed my teeth, took a shower, got dressed, did the dishes and helped my mom, but something happened during all this. I looked in the mirror without saying one thing about what looked awful, Didn't think about the things i want to change. Yes it happened later that day, but the point is, the first time i caught a glimpse of me today i didn't say the horrible things about myself.
This seams so petty and simple but this is something new for me. It means my consent support and trying to change things is slowly working. Eventually i want to be able to look at my face and not want to change a single thing, be able to take a complement without refusing it like its unearned money.
Today my friend was telling me how pretty I was. (We'll call him T.) Well T was saying i was beautiful and i said "No i'm really not. I don't get why you're saying this" and then he said something really amazing he said "Dude, if i had one super power it would be to let you see yourself through my eyes so you can see how i see you. Maybe then you would feel better about yourself then you do now" .  I was taken back. What if i did see what he saw? Would i really see something else? Perhaps he doesn't see the flaws i see. He doesn't see the blemishes and mistakes. Maybe i'm thinner to him because he hasn't seen me at every angle. Maybe i see something oh so different?! For him to call me beautiful and mean it...means he obviously sees something different. I see a plain, short, chubby and ugly teenager and i asked T what do you see? and T replied "A person who is beautiful, cool, nice and relatable. You just need to quit thinking you are the opposite". So after that i started thinking. Not only does T see something different about my appearance he sees my soul as something more beautiful then i see. I want to see through T's eyes. I want to through God's eyes. I want to see through anyone's eyes but mine. I'm done seeing me through my eyes. I'm done being blind to the amazing things you all see.
I'm ready to start over. I guess this is why i started this little journey. I guess that why i made one change this morning.
I know being depressed is a big reason i don't like myself, but i also know i'm bigger then my demons and even if they scare me, or belittle me i know i have friends like T to make me feel so much better and bigger.  Thanks to this support i know one day i'll be called pretty and be able to say "thanks" instead of "No!", laughing,choking on my spit because i was so caught of guard. or any other act of disbelief. I don't want to be conceded i don't want to say "I know" i don't want to post pictures that say "You wish you looked like this!"  but my goal is to post a picture with out feeling like deleting it because small things i don't like about my face.
I'm stronger then all this. The depression,anxiety,self hatred *ect*. I'm stronger. I'm going to make it where i want to be. I know i will. One day i'll be a mother who can show her kids how to love themselves. One day i can be a example to teenagers like me. One day i'll be the person i was created to be without thinking every bit of me is a mistake.